Give me a kiss to build a Blogg on....

Three things I remember most vividly about my tryst last Friday night with lovely Hippie-Nikki (who beat up Swissy-Missy)...

I remember the way her face would slightly smile and twist in the directions of the rising and setting sun before she would close her eyes and kiss.

I remember the way she so naturally slipped into my USMC t-shirt afterwards which, because her physique is built like a short, world class gymnist, fitted her like a night gown.

(Is this what scared me? Everytime I get invovled I always end up sacrificing three-fourths of my wardrobe. STILL MISS MY LUCKY RED-SOX SHIRT BROOK!!!)

I remember the way she held her dog. That's not a euphemism. She had a fluffy faced collie named Charlie which she treated like a toddler. She seemed so happy that night.....

She had an ashtray for a heart, a cigarette butt for a smile and she could dance all night long...

So much for being a local campus author! I'm completely exhausted. Drained! Getting less than three hours a sleep a night. Uncle Mike is having a large Fireside tonight while I'm at work so I skipped my last class to clean our pad (shhhh!!!! He doesn't know. It's a secret.) So now I'm high on windex and bleach and still a long eight hour jaunt from here until sleep.....ahhhh...

And yes, still no hippie-Nikki sightings. Big surprise there.......

Who said the Concourse Doesn't occasionally bend their lips and smile?!

So a very cool thing happened to me today and I was told by my Professor "Not to tell," which of course, outside of a few confessional gmails of gratitude to eternal angels always inside of me I didn't, until I saw beautiful and blithe Heather downstairs, a young sophomore writer with red hair, freckles, no boobs and braces. She reminds me of Lisa Simpson. She checks out heaps of books every week and reminds me ALOT of myself when I was reading everything (although she's 50 times smarter than I'll ever be)...

I've had a petite school boy blushy crush on Heather for about a month. I guessed correctly that she, in all likihood won her gradeschool spelling bee.

Honest I wasn't going to tell her, but when I sat down next to her and saw that she was reading CS LEWIS' THE FOUR LOVE....I felt like I had no choice but to oblige!

Now, I have to tell/show my mother. And hear her again and again say,"Why do you always write about sex, David!" over thanskgiving dinner.

Virgin Mara and Mineral water

Stupid! Little David gmails bubbly Nicole (or Nikki, as she goes by in daylight hours) to--and get this--THANK HER!!!!!

--and to readily inform her that syphillus is easily curable through peniciln *smiles*That's a joke....

What the HELL am I thinking!!!!!

In the immortal words of Joni Mitchell:

"and if you care don't let 'em
know--don't give yourself
away."

In the immortal words of John Donne, Mara

"For Gods sake hold your tongue and let me love."

You see Little David has a hard time when it comes to love because those whom he loves ( or once loved) most of all in this planet (three so far, more or less) are represented as miniscule pink crevices slanted into his left palm, reminding him (whether he is stationed over the porcelain lip of the urinal or grasping his hands in a prayer of thanks) that he once held something he loved and cared for very poetically and intensely and somehow lost.

Lost....even thought he still PASSIONATELY, ardently loved nonetheless.


Which is Bull Shit, cuz those TRUE writers-wayfarers out there know that you never really lose anything. Maybe I've lost domesticity and the sight of a three year old young bride sprinkled with tears and the embarrasment of having to buy "bedroom" manuals at Barnes and Nobles while the hot check-out girl notices my nuptial cuff...maybe that.

Still--why do I feel so scared and school boy timid inside? Like I'm wearing my jockstrap backwards in the Varsity locker room

Love? Hell no.

Possibility of commitment with someone you just met? Perhaps.

Overall feeling that I may be just "Settling for whatever comes next?" Affirmative.

Feeling that I might inadvertently crush her heart. Two Marginal Thumbs up Gene.

Ambivalent feeling that I'm being picky. Oui.

Feeling that she deserves better. --Fart Sound--

Feeling that she's "the one." Ah. No.

Feeling that we could just be mutual F.B.'s? Past that stage of your life, David.

Feeling that I secretly like someone else? Secret handshake meaning yes.

Feeling that it's hard to explain to girlfriends parents what you do for a living without them looking at you like your first name is Hannibal as you lick your fork and grope your significant other beneath the thanksgiving dinner table. Something like that.

Feeling like, what RUMI says, is "All you really want in a LOVER is LOVE's confusing joy's."
If I were still Baptist I would holler out an AMEN.

Feeling like you have FOUR huge projects due PLUS you have to work almost non stop until WED. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Feeling that everyone more or less, feels this way more or less all the time. YES!!!!!

Would you, could you in a box? Would you, could you with a....

Purchased the DVD of BEFORE SUNSET today. My newly aquired Atlanta Falcons cap is doffed in the direction of Richard Linklater. It takes a lot of courage to craft a riveting and honest screenplay where emotionally wizend "thirty-something" wayfarers openly bitch while candidly conversing about their experiment at life. More importantly it makes you realize just how precious a gift this crazy, carousel jaunt around the sun deemed "reality" actually is. It seems to be a blessing, even when a tangible void is sifting inside our chests. I remember hearing a Joseph Campbell lecture where he was pretty much saying:

"Life is pain, life is suffering, life is heart-break--but damnit kiddo you're REALLY LIVING. You're alive. You are ACTIVELY participating in an event. "

Maybe the reason our society wants everything to be bigger and faster and more connected is because, individually inside, our western world feels spiritually severed and emotionally disparate.

Lately I've been guzzling cheap wine in the literary gutter, waiting for my mediocre muse to finish buttoning up her dress and meet me in the bedroom. Assinine school assignments mixed with potent late night shots of work have been monopolizing all of my time and when this periodically occurs I begin to feel completely insignificant. Worthless. My writing (if you can't tell) begins to slow down and stale; little pond green patches of mold slowly crusts into each paragraph like a toe fungus.

Yet still--I try to remind myself that I, personally have never had it that bad. Even if you're homeless in America, you can always find a soup kitchen; you can always find some library like ours whose internet caters your freedom to your every fetish.

I try to remind myself about world hunger. About AIDS in Africa. About how 98% of the creatures grazing on this planet are fucked from the outset. That they'll never have anyone to love. That their primary concern is just trying to locate an imminent source of nourishment.

I try to think about how 80% of my fellow brothers and sisters will never pick up a book. Will never learn to write a complete sentence

But still it's all good. This moment of being; grasping the eternal palm of that eternal someone who is always stationed inside of you.

Kamikaze craziness and a decaf never hurt...

Flapping my wings full-throttle through Thanksgiving. Rough "sandpaper" draft of Senior Project due at 5:30. Poetry reading tonight at 8. Revision of my ghetto screen play ST. CECELIA's PLAYGROUND due tomorrow before I dissipate from campus and surprise Jasna at the reception of her current art show ( I sent her an e-mail and lied, told her that I couldn't make it, so she should be surprised when I show up...with my hair still short, no less)......

Uncle Mike's half-sister is coming to visit which means that the house has to be "gay cleaned" by Friday. That and three more projects due before next TUES. Uncle Mike wants to have THANKSGIVING for people who have no where to go Which means more work (God love him) before I can finally slip off and be with my real family and relax.

Oh, all this and work, work, work. Because of budget crunches they axed half our staff, which means that I'm working three jobs simultaneously and only getting paid for one....which means that I get grouchy and rude and petulant and I hate being grouchy and rude and petulant....patience little tree, in the words of Karate Kid grasshopper, walk first, then fly daniel son......

A perched Lizard on my shoulder, a lotta love cached in my Heart...

BEFORE SUNSET comes out on DVD today!!!! Plus I think my hot lit-prof. was giving me the eye today!!!! She kept swirling her hair and biting on her bangs and blushing everytime I said something in class today. The mara Lizard perched on my shoulder just morphed into TROJAN MAN......

Did I mention she's Mara-arried?

Did I mention I'm an overworked lonely as hell monk with only a phonebook sized abstruse novel that no one wants to buy to keep me company. Did I mention I've been avg. five hours sleep a night while keeping house for an aged mystic who keeps going out of his way to please me.

Did I mention life is beautiful and weird at the same time.

Did I mention there's no spiritual attraction at all. Just an intense physical and intellectual tug.

Did I mention when God gives you mana from heaven don't bitch about being hungry.

Did I mention that I've been plotting ways to seduce Lizard-Mara all day?

Go to her office. Slowly drop her annotated copy of TO THE LIGHTHOUSE off the shelf.

Did I mention that I turned the other way like a freak when I saw her today outside of class even though I should have been more gallant. More flirty.

Did I mention I have zippo clue on how to handle the situation expcept for (like I do with everything) write a short story. Some people have blinders keepin' the slanted sun from burning through their windows. I have sentences keeping the sad truth of reality from staining my heart.

Did I mention that it's a rarity when you truly "connect" with someone in a world where everything is already connencted. Mara-Modems, Mara-macintoshes, Mara-cell phone static...

Did I mention that this unalloyed connection is what most people live for.....

Did I mention, sometimes, when you're totally confused, life suddenly appears golden?

Did I mention my best friend of sixteen years just got back together with his w(hore)ife, even though she banged one of the groomsmen THREE weeks after the wedding?

Did I mention I got two A's on my last project?

Did I mention BEFORE SUNSET comes out on DVD today.

Did I mention life is good, even if nothing comes of the situation. After all, nothing beats being lauded for who you are. Even a naked angel is totally alone and frustrated in the bedroom.

SQUISH! I think a MARA-SUV just flattened my lizard.

A lot like falling in love....

Arrived at the polls at 6:30 this morning to vote. The polls were already packed. Out of the fifty or so citizens there already, I'd speculate I was the by far the youngest by a good twenty-five years. If I would have still had my pony-tail, I would have been a noted liberal. I stepped inside the shower stall size booth and filled in the black ovals for the candidate that I felt would be best....

What's sad about the BUSH era is that we've been lied to. It's like falling in love with the girl of your dreams and TRUSTING her with every facet of your life, only to discern an agitating itch between your thighs three months into the relationship and find her in your arms teary eyed and sad when she confesses to you that she has a past she isn't proud of.....

But maybe, the truth is such a rarity these days anyway, why should we recognize it (or even seek it)....

It's almost like we're enjoying everyone else's lie!